Abandoning Yourself For the Approval of Others

“Every time you’re given a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself, your duty is to disappoint that someone else. Your job, throughout your entire life, is to disappoint as many people as it takes to avoid disappointing yourself. Even you? Especially me.”

@glennondoyle #untamed Sharing a conversation from mother to daughter.

Self-abandonment doesn’t benefit anyone long term, and it sure as hell doesn’t benefit the one doing the abandoning. It’s a coping skill learned and honed for safety. It’s also very common for women who were told as young girls to people-please or internalized the “good girl” mentality. The difficulty becomes when we abandon ourselves, we abandon our true nature and our innate ability to trust ourselves.

We learn to look towards external approval for validation instead of listening in. Add in any body trauma and it feels UNSAFE to listen in.

External approval without our OWN approval leaves behind a gaping hole were internal knowing used to be. The good news is the journey of re-establishing our innate wisdom is always there for us to safely explore when we are ready. Awareness is the first step.

When are YOU abandoning yourself for the approval of another?

When did you learn that someone else’s approval means more than your own?

How does that external approval help keep you feeling safe?

What would it feel like to listen?