I Have Privilege.

There is a movement happening, towards this idea of non-diet, Health at Every Size, and Body Liberation.

It’s a movement that takes a step back from the concept of beauty being intertwined with worth. It can be uncomfortable and confusing for a lot of us, as social justice movements often are.

Movements aren’t meant to be for the culturally accepted or those deemed worthy. A movement is meant to help lift up, protect, and shed light onto the marginalized groups of people who often deal with daily trauma due to our societal standards and stigmas. Our patriarchal society has kept us from asking enough questions, or asking why. It has tried to keep marginalized voices quiet and planted enough fear in everyone else to keep those voices quiet too. Our standard health care system has breed fear into our hearts by pathologizing larger bodies and chronic disease. 

That’s why this next sentence is extremely important for me to say as a human, as a dietitian, and a provider. I have privilege. I am white, I am in a thinner abled body, I am a cisgender female, I am within societies standards for beauty, I have enough financial flexibility to CHOOSE what foods I’m consuming, I have the resources for education and for health insurance. I have a safety net of family and friends who support me.

These privileges need to be called out. I can’t truly speak about Health At Every Size or Body Liberation without holding myself accountable to the realization that there are social disparities surrounding me every day.

I don’t have to fear going to the doctor because I will be berated for being in a larger sized body or treated for just my weight. I don’t have to worry about finding a place I can comfortably sit at a restaurant or getting side-eyed in public because my size makes someone else uncomfortable. I am able to run, walk, and move my body as I choose. I have the flexibility to not only KNOW there will be food on the table when I’m hungry but to choose a variety of foods that nourish me. I know where I will be sleeping at night. I don’t have to make excuses for my sexuality or whom I choose to be with. 

I am privileged.

That has to come before this next part because as a society, we ALLLL deal with deep-rooted social stigmas. We may be affected at different times in our lives, at different degrees, but those social stigmas are meant to keep us all in line. I am seen as being in a thinner body, this does not increase my worth as a human nor does it help bubble wrap me to our cultural stigmas. However, as a cis-female, I learned early on that society DID equate my looks to my worth through a constant numerical measuring system. This meant, without a conscious choice, buying into the beauty myth within the first couple of years of grade school. I grew up fearing to be in a larger body because I saw the kind of reaction it evoked in other people, how quickly you could be stereotyped.  I was made fun of, spit on, bullied enough growing up, so wanting to shrink myself to be as small as I possibly could seemed a decent way to combat any extra emotional trauma. I learned that having feelings and being sensitive were not positive traits. I feared the scale with all my heart. I was in a sport for 12 years that required numbing many body cues as well as being judged on appearance. I learned in many aspects that my voice wasn’t meant to be heard, especially if it made others uncomfortable, though my body seemed to be up for grabs to the highest bidder.

In the moments I felt most self-conscious, I’d lash out at someone I deemed less worthy, usually behind their back, or by chastising them myself in hopes I’d feel more included. It’s a hard habit to change when all any of us want is to fit in as our genuine selves. But that’s part of the idea, isn’t it? We can’t have both? Either you fit into the standards, abide by the rules, or you’re pushed out.

Society tries to tell us that some humans have more worth than others. That worth is a tangible thing that can be manipulated, gifted, or worked for.

You are worthy ONLY IF x,y, and z, and that reality has us either pushed to the side or clinging for dear life in hopes we don’t end up rejected too.

 The idea that diet culture has us believe that consuming certain foods or amounts can make us feel deep-rooted shame and guilt is ridiculous when you think about it. How did we get to a place where food was demonized and holds moral value? How are all these external stigmas so internalized that we don’t question their very purpose? Instead, we yo-yo diet to fit our bodies into shapes they were not supposed to be fit into. When we then “fail” to meet the criteria, diet culture tells us it is from a lack of character playing into our worth. Let me tell you, yo-yo dieting doesn’t work because DIETING doesn’t work period.  We let ourselves believe that the binge is the problem when in reality the restriction causes the binge cycle to keep us alive. Yet when the inevitable binge happens following any sort of restriction, we equate it to general failings as human beings. This may be in part ego-driven, but deep down it’s rooted in the false idea that thin equates to health and health has moral value, which is so far from the truth.

I want to be clear. We are all affected by diet culture in some way. That does not diminish my own journey or anyone else’s.That does not mean that smaller-bodied people are not justified in their feelings or experiences. It also does not mean that smaller bodies have it “easier”. Eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes whether diagnosed as such or not.

No one is immune to insecurities, bias, or self-loathing based on their size.

It just means awareness towards other people’s experiences has to be noted. It is a reminder that we are all worthy to care for ourselves with full autonomy without outside expectations or constraints. It means health can come at every size if the individual chooses that to be of importance.  It also means taking ownership of our privileges in a way that breaks stigmas for us all in the most inclusive way we possibly can. 

On this journey, I am continually drawing on my own internalized limitations and stigmas that keep me from being as inclusive as I possibly can. This also means taking a look at my own personal food rules that keep me from being completely free from diet culture. The process is a long one and a journey that will be life long, but in my heart, I believe we are all worthy of breaking free of social confines.

My goal is to help others get there too in a way that feels compassionate, nourishing, and free.

-A Life Nourished <3